…make mini lemon meringue tarts with vanilla-scented creme fraiche mousse. That’s what Lil’ Kim did before her unfortunate incarceration. Now I hate Lil’ kim. Wait, let me restate. I don’t hate her as I never met her. Saying you hate a person you’ve only seen on TV makes you seem crazy. I’m sure she has her good points. I’m sure her friends and family love her. And since she is in jail for holding it down and not sellin’ out her crew to the Man, I gotta show her some love. Now if she would just stop out-lining her lips in black pencil and stop wearing MAC “Myth” and put on some damn clothes, I’d be happy. Maybe prison will show her some restraint. I have no doubt my fave new show will be this:

Yes, Lil’ Kim, La Bella Mafia, has her own reality show. Shot in the weeks leading up to her forced vacation @ the worst spa in New York State. Let’s hope there’s no spitting ala “Pumkin” and “New York” on Flava Of Love. Certain things set my race back. Flavor Flav is and always has been one of those things. There are positive images of African American’s and then there’s Flava Of Love. By putting that show, with that man on TV, vh1 has set the image of my people back 250 years. We’re now coming over on the middle passage. Thanks Flav! Can you tell I don’t find Black folks clowning for the public’s amusement funny? But I can’t begrudge that man a gig. So… Back to reality…

1st let’s just say that Project Runway is the best reality show on TV. To me it is the gold standard. I wish I’d known Debra was doing it because I would have begged her to go with. I just missed my opportunity to meet Michael Kors after being introduced by Debra Messing. Damn. Daniel Vosovic is my boyfriend. I love him. The world is a better place because he exists. He makes me happy.

I hated his hair cut last night. I loved his collection. And Debra was right, the 13th look was amazing. That camel shift was to die for. But only a woman 5’9″ or above, size 2/4 could wear it. I loved the floral print he picked. I also loved that white military-inspired coat. But Michael and Nina Garcia were right.There was no Asian influence in that collection. He must have been thinking about Chloe or she was standing next to him on the runway ’cause that’s the closest thing to Asian we saw last night. And that big epaulet he stuck right in the middle of that beautiful dress was like a target. And then the model trips!? Any model worth her rate knows you hike the dress up a bit as you walk. Ugh!

Santino’s mom is the shit. Or so he says. I love a guy who loves his mom. Santino’s last dress was a thing of beauty. I loved that ombre print and the pleating. Just watching his show on the runway I thought, “Oh my God Santino won!” I loved his collection. It wasn’t until the playback that I saw yes, that (sh)it didn’t fit. And if it doesn’t fit..You must acquit. Or @ least lose. I, unlike Michael and Nina, liked Santino showing restraint. Let’s not forget the man dressed the figure skater like a turkey.

Chloe. Chloe. Chloe. What can we say about the Asian Sensation? I loved her all season. She seems like the type of girl you’d be friends with. Cool but not too cool. Smart but not too smart. Smart about stupid stuff like how Chopin vodka differs from Kettle One. Or where to get the best mani/pedi in Manhattan fast and cheap. All season long I thought her collections were good but safe. A bit one note. Yes, she can sew. She’s a tailor. And so what she wasn’t running around living for fashion? And being all stupid and crying every 2 seconds? Save the passion for that fine ass boyfriend, who is the best cameo of the season! One word of caution to Chloe: Asian women are notoriously the last stop to “Moville” on the gay train. Ask any gay man about his last girlfriend. She was either Asian, docile and they never had sex or Black, over-assertive and they rarely had sex. If he dumps you Chloe, I’ll buy the 1st round of drinks as we commiserate how bad men suck! Her collection? I had to look @ it twice. On first sight I hated it. I hate that color pink and that color blue and that stiff fabric. And good God in heaven I hate a shrug! No more shrugs. Ever. But the tailoring was key. And she used color. And she was completely different from what she did all season long. Take away the shrugs and you’ve got gorgeous red carpet ready gowns. And I loved her 13th Look; the pleated baby doll dress with pockets. Sorry Daniel a poorly-placed epaulet cost you the game. Congrats Chloe. You are the winner of Project Runway. You and Daniel should go into business together.

In other news I saw Beyoncé on 3rd Street. And you know what? She is gorgeous. And that butt isn’t as big as you’d think. I hear she is losing weight for Dreamgirls. Which will only make Jennifer look bigger. Which is cool. I can’t wait!

2 posts in 2 days?! I’ll see y’all next week! M*

2 thoughts on “When Life Hands You Lemons…

  1. Oh my goodness! Is that Beyonce in that picture? Please tell me some major airbrushing went on, because the girl in that picture seriously needs to eat some Popeye’s Fried Chicken. I like my Beyonce full and voluptuous, none of this twiggy mess.

  2. You make some great points Brian. There is only one stereotype of my peeps I embrace and that is the one about the size of my member. All the rest I’ve never subscribed to. Like all humans we are magnificent and capable of more than we can even dream. No set of “labels” can ever encompass what I am. Or can be. We all need to believe that and strive to be more than the faux circumstances of our birth.


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