And another Friday night passes. Why do I accept my friend Scott’s phone calls?! He only gets me in trouble. A night out with him means boys, booze, cash, and cops. See My Birthday Party for more sordid details of Scott and me.
After last night, I know this much is true:
1. Boys are icky. Throw rocks at them.*
2. Porn stars are way too dramatic. What they lack in acting skills they make up for in overindulgence.
3. Bottle service and a thirst for champagne can lead to blindness, especially where strippers are concerned.
4. Never wear a cute new blazer to a bar the 1st time you wear it. It attracts cute boys, cigarette smoke, and spilled drinks.
5. Don’t drink and text.
6. Do not accept calls from your parents in gay bars, and if you do, don’t tell the people around you it’s your momma when they ask, “Who is that?”
7. Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.*
8. Nothing good happens after midnight.
9. Australian men are hot.
10. A good friend is a blessing, but a good roommate is a godsend.
*This post does not condone or promote violence towards boys as I am one.