I’m crazed. Some of you are like, “Yeah, idiot. We knew that.” But right now I am. I met a really nice boy (gay guys are always “boys”, no matter how old they are). He’s very sweet. But aren’t they always sweet at the beginning until they rip back their skin and show that underneath they are a lizard creature like on the 80’s TV show V? Anyway he’s nice. Sexy. And I’m thrilled.
Janelle had to cancel and will not be doing the AIDS Walk with me this weekend. I’ll be doing it with my pretend husband, James and with my Erika. It’s a bit of a reunion. Of a few of my faves from this summer.
I just purchased a new trench coat from Club Monaco. Like I needed it, since I have one already. But that one is black and this one is navy and very chic. Everyone should own a trench. Girls should wear it to their boyfriend’s house with nothing under it. Just the trench and a pair of heels. Oh and a single strand of barely pink pearls. Guys however shouldn’t do that as that would make them drag queens and no one wants to see that!
I just booked another epi of How Do I Look. That makes me very happy. And scared too. I’m becoming the friggin‘ Susan Lucci of How Do I Look! The make-overee never picks me! I mean I’m a lot of things but first and foremost I’m a fashion stylist. I’m good @ that. I have a point of view! I approach every job like it’s the cover of French Vogue. But don’t let that scare you because as a stylist I can tailor my sensibility to that of the client! I mean I’ve done everything from British Vogue to the Carlson Twins calendar to High Roller to ads for Burger King! I’m getting all worked up! I wanna get picked this time! I’m really competitive and want to win. Unless it’s like last summer, where the game I was playing was rigged and then I just wanna go home.
Moving forward. I’m listening to 4 songs on my iPod on repeat. Over and over. Like it’s my job. Too Little, Too Late by JoJo, My Lovin‘ Goes by Christina Milian, Me & U by Cassie and Hey Fella by LeToya. LeToya was the other pretty girl in Destiny’s Child before Beyonce bounced her and the short plump one from the group. You can’t blame B for that though. Who doesn’t wanna be the only pretty one? And girls are often like that. They pick off the competition one after the other. Well some girls do… Word to Beyonce; B’Day sucks. You owe me $10.99. I purchased it on iTunes and they won’t let me return it. What up with that? It might have been your B’Day but I worked hard for that money.
I just woke up. I just realized I’ve been dreaming. Have you ever been waiting for someone to see you? For who you really are? I’ve been dating/hanging out with this guy, let’s call him “Giant.” Well Giant in theory is “The One.” On paper he’s perfect. But how long can you wait for someone? To get that you are the one? To value you the way you do them? And he’s that guy… You know him. The one that gives you just enough to keep you hanging. Dangling. Waiting. Well enough! Bi… I mean Giant this song is for you:
Too Little, Too Late by JoJo
Come with me
Stay the night
Just say the words but boy it don’t feel right
What do you expect me to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You take my hand
And you say you’ve changed
But boy you know your begging don’t fool me
Because to you it’s just a game (You know it’s just too little too late)
So let me go now
Cause time has made me strong
I’m starting to move on
I’m going to say this now
Your chance has come and gone
And you know…
It’s just too little too late
A little too long
And I can’t wait
But you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
So be real
It doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)
It’s just too little too late
I was young
And in love
I gave you everything
But it wasn’t enough
And now you wanna communicate (You know it’s just too little too late)
Go find someone else
In letting you go
I’m loving myself
You got a problem
But don’t come asking me for help
Cause you know
It’s just too little too late
A little too long
And I can’t wait
But you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
So be real
It doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)
I can love with all of my heart, Baby
I know I have so much to give (I have so much to give)
With a player like you I don’t have a prayer
That’s no way to live,
Ooh no
It’s just too little too late
Yeah…..
It’s just too little too late
A little too long
And I can’t wait
But you know all the right things to say (You know it’s just too little too late)
You say you dream of my face
But you don’t like me
You just like the chase
So be real
It doesn’t matter anyway (You know it’s just too little too late)
I can’t wait…
Yep I have the musical taste of a 13 year old girl. I can find a song for any situation usually sung by a teenager. I love my JoJo, Christina Milian, Hilary Duff, Lindsay Lohan and don’t get me started on Kelly Clarkson. My roommate, E, hates me. I’m playing the same 4 songs over and over. It’s like Chinese Water Torture for him. But he’s wearing my super-chic, military-inspired shirt right now, so shut up and deal E. At least I’m not playing My Heart Will Go On or A Thousand Miles on repeat. Which I’ve been know to do. A lot.
I’m on this major learning curve. All this stuff that used to matter so much to me just doesn’t anymore. Like reality stardom. Or stupid stuff people say about me that don’t know me. I think that’s what this summer was about for me. I learned no one is going to help you. Or save you. Or love you. You are alone and that’s okay. So you better love yourself first. And get the hell out of the way of a speeding train. I was coming to that lesson after season 3 and the veto debacle. All-Stars just confirmed it.
Calabasasis pretty. And the sunsets in Malibu are stunning.
The walls at Harry Winston are chocolate velvet. I’ll have one of everything.
Okay that’s enough. I’m rambling.