So anyone who reads this blog knows I worship at the throne known as Naomi Campbell. When my journey is complete and my days are done, I wanna come back as her. I don’t know why. Her hair is a weave (yes, a very good one. She has crappy taste in men: Mike Tyson, Robert DeNiro (not pre-The Godfather Rob but post-Awakenings Rob), Flavio Briatore (well he did give her a $10 million yatch and he is the father of Heidi Klum’s 1st child) and Usher (to name a few). She has anger management problems. (Who hasn’t taken a swing at the help? But I guess you’d have to have help 1st so… And had that widely publicized drug problem (but at least she sought help).

Now the positives: She’s the most recognized model in the World (so says her attorney), she’s rich as all hell, earning a reported $29 million a year (repeat after me: “DAMN!!!), she’s a multi-talented writer (Swan), and singer (Babywoman), she’s currently, rumored to be, supposedly dating the Prince of Dubai & she does charity work with Nelson Mandela.

naomi 20

Well Omi (as I like to call her) is in trouble again. Seems she’s had another unfortunate cell phone incident. Her ex-maid of 2 or 3 months has accused her of assault. Naomi claims that she fired the maid for stealing (good help is way hard to find) and her injuries are self-inflicted. It’s simply a scheme to extort money. Poor Omi.


You bash one persons head in with a phone and everyone wants a piece! She and Russell Crowe should start a support group. Ooh…Naomi and Russell would be a hot couple! I’d buy the video. I’m really surprised T-Mobile hasn’t replaced that dreadful Catherine Z-J for Naomi. Can you see the commercials? Naomi’s phone drops a call and she bashes that “Can you hear me now?” guy in the face. Brill! I happen to believe in Naomi’s innocence. Omi, I got your back. And you looked great in handcuffs at the police station in white mink. (Mental note: If ever arrested, go for the chinchilla.)

I wonder if this will jeopardize Naomi doing Celebrity Cooking Showdown, hosted by Alan Thicke? Who the hell green-lit that?! Even Naomi can’t get me to watch. Where the hell did they dig Alan Thicke up from? It’s like Tales From The Crypt! Remember him? The dad from Growing Pains? That’ll do it NBC! With a gem like this you’ll be back on top of the ratings heap in no time! Who’d watch Desperate Housewives when they can watch Macaulay Culkin’s souffle rise?

Last night I saw a midnight showing of Basic Instinct: 2, with Brad Benton. Brad is a huge fan of everything. He’s the most optimistic boy I know. I am a huge fan of La Stone. I think she’s brilliant. She’s gorgeous. Talented (tee hee hee). Has shown her cooter several times. And she’s raised a boatload of money for amFAR. The woman is Hollywood Royalty. In an age where Paris Hilton, Pamela Anderson and Tara Reid aren’t being tarred and feathered for skankytackytrashy, Sharon reminds us what being an old-school star is. She lives it. She brings the glamour, the drama and the cash. She’s a modern Lauren Bacall. Sharon can drink you under the table, swear like a sailor and still manage to look amazing doing it. Now back to BI:2: I loved it. It was one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. The dialogue is at best trite (look who’s talking), the plot makes about as much sense as the war In Iraq, Bush being re-elected, Homosexuals not being able to marry, Carmen Electra (I just don’t get her), The King of Queens (huh), Life With Jim (wha)… Let’s just say it’s nonsensical. Oh and Sharon’s weave is the worst thing I’ve ever seen. You can count the tracks! Why don’t White girls go to Black women for their weaves? You never see Naomi and Tyra with their hair looking jacked. Anyway, my fave line from the movie is uttered by a psychiatrist who says: “Do you think I’m insane? Nuts? Bonkers? Off my trolley?” A psychiatrist says this. I may be wrong but I don’t think mental health care professionals should speak of insanity like that! Especially not ones that look like troll dolls. BI:2 has everything: midgets, trannies, Asian hookers who flog fat guys while screaming in Chinese, tons of hot guy ass shots, gratuitous shots of Sharon’s boobs and of course La Stone in Dior. Go see it just to see what she is wearing. Gorgeous. And to see David Morrissey’s ass. Hot.


Random sighting last night: Lisa from America’s Next Top Model Cycle 5 (I hate when Tyra says that “cycle” thing). Brad got all, “Oh! Let’s say hi! I love her!” I was like, “Um mm…No.” She was dressed like Shaharazad in the Arabian Nights. That’s a lot for a midnight movie.


My new motto: “Get the fuck up for money.” It’s kinda like Linda Evangelista saying, “We don’t get out of bed for less than $10,000 a day.” I’ll get out of bed for a lot less than that. I’d even go to bed for a lot less than that. wink…

Alright, it’s Friday night. I’m out. Well going out anyway. Ciao.

8 thoughts on “Dangerous: Cell Phones and Spoiled Women

  1. My favorite line from the ‘film’ was uttered by Mme Stone herself: “Oedipus didn’t see his mother coming.” Ah… excellent point. Such a pleasure meeting you the other night, and may all our future meetings be capped in the glory of a bad midnight movie screening.


  2. Marcellas! You don’t like King of Queens??? I love that show! Ok, so I’m a married straight white chick – def. in their demographic, but still! It’s FUNNY!
    Leah Remini is a hoot and a holler…
    Patten Oswalt kills me – esp. after seeing “Comedians of Comedy” – it aired as 6 episodes on Comedy Central first, but then they made it into a 2 hr documentary (netflix). Check that out – true comedy, imnsho. 🙂

    p.s. – it’s 1:26am and the new babble game is up but the site isn’t!!! i’m DYING!!!

Leave a Reply