Reality fame sucks. Basically. Kinda. Well, not really but it does have it’s problems. You aren’t really famous. It’s like being popular…In high school. I was popular in HS. And just as in HS you don’t belong to yourself. You do what it takes to get to the popular table. You do and say all the things that will keep you in the loop. I remember freshman year coming into the game and not knowing anyone or anything really. Either you step up to the plate or you are relegated to band practice and riding the bus home. I was aiming for homecoming king and playing spin the bottle with guys at tennis camp. Well it didn’t take long to acquire the look of the popular. In my HS it was preppy. Levi’s, iZod, Polo and Coach reigned supreme. You needed to be gregarious, smart, well-dressed and kinda a bitch. See, these are the same things reality stars need. Gregarious gets you on the show. Smart keeps you in the game. Well-dressed goes hand in hand with sexy. And you know sexy gets you everywhere. And a bitch? Well we all need our armor.
Lately I’ve been re-evaluating what being popular and being a reality star means. Before All-Stars I was offered a TV show. For most people that is the holy grail. Being the host of your own show. Well I’ve done that. It wasn’t all I thought it would be. When I told the producer that I wasn’t taking the show and I was doing All-Stars she said, “Why would you do that?” “I thought you wanted to kill the reality thing.” I still struggle with my decision to do All-Stars to this day. I thought I had a chance at winning this time. Things don’t work out the way you think. Or hope. Or pray. I’ll never understand why Arnold and Alison pursued me so vigorously only to… Enough of that.
I just got creeped out. I’ve had the crazy experiences on this journey. Marriage requests from women who think they could change me from gay if I met them and (horrors) slept with them. Sorry ladies but ain’t no girl that good to make me jump back over to that side. I’ve slept with girls. Hell, I was engaged. I know what I’m missing. Girls are pretty. They are nice to talk to and look @ but that other stuff… Not for me. And if you are going to send me naked pics please shave. One woman in particular looked like a Yeti. I’ve gotten fan mail from guys in prison. I like that. It’s sweet. Very Oz. Not the gang rape part of Oz but the “hot guy orange jumpsuit doing time holding it down thinking about me” part of that prison fantasy. Until they show up @ your front door. I’ve been recognized renting porn. I’ve been mistaken for that guy from Survivor and even signed his name on an autograph.
The creepiest thing ever is when fans try to get to me to get to someone else. It happened to me today. Here’s the emails:
From: Nicole
Date: Nov 26 2006 9:10 PM
Subject: Will Kirby = Love
Body: Marcellas,
Surely you believe in Love at first sight! Well I’m in Love with Will! If you have a romantic bone in your body, you will reach out and help me.I don’t have the answers but your help would be much appreciated. Thank you ahead of time……much love……..Nicole
From: Marcellas
Date: Nov 26 2006 9:35 PM
Subject: Really?
Body: Will is in love with Erin. I have a feeling they’ll be engaged soon.
Sorry.
M*
From: Nicole
Date: Nov 27 2006 1:46 PM
Subject: RE: Really?
Body: First of all thanks for the reply! Well Will has been “In Love” before. I just don’t think it will last. I really don’t know Erin but I’ll bet you she pressures him into getting engaged. Honestly, she had no trouble taking him back right away after BB. If it was me I would have been pissed off alot longer. He didn’t “have to” do half the things he did with other women for the “sake” of the game. The live feeds don’t lie!
I know this sounds corny but I’ve made a cd I’ve been wanting to mail to him I asked Sandy and she suggested his work address. I thought about that but wondered if that was in bad taste. I would rather it not get mixed in with a bunch of mail that will never get opened. Do you know a address or a way I could get it to him?Or do you think the work thing is ok?
Thanks ahead of time for your response.
Nicole
From: Marcellas
Date: Nov 27 2006 1:54 PM
Subject: Yikes.
Body: Don’t email me again. Erin and Will are both friends of mine. If you want to send him something send it to CBS.
M
There is all kinds of crazy going on there! I’m sorry but I just got very scared for Will. Shall we examine the emails for signs of crazy? First if you wanna reach Will, reach him! You found me! But I’m sure you did that and he’s blocked you or sworn out a restraining order. Oh and love @ sight usually means the 2 people involved have seen each other. You saw Will. He has no idea you exist. Unless you’ve gone too far and showed up @ his job! Don’t get me started on the live feeds. This email is reason why they are obsolete. And dangerous. I think it allows people to get too close. To become too attached. I don’t care if you watched us for 20 out of 24 hours a day. You don’t know us. And the “Will has been in love before” thing? Have some self-esteem. Why be another in a long line? And if he did stuff this summer he didn’t have to, why do you “love” him? Why would you want a man who could do that? As my Lisa would say, “They leave you like they found you.” As Maya Angelou would say, “When someone shows you their true face, believe it.” But you know nothing real about Will as you have never met him! And he was a character monking for the cameras on a TV show!
Will get extra security. Hell, hire a security guard. Maybe Erin should! Change your phone #. I remember the first time I had to change my phone # after BB 3. Yes, I said first time. I’ve changed it 3 times. What makes anyone think they can call someone they don’t know!? Who never gave them their #! This woman doesn’t know Will. Or Erin. Or Janelle. Or me. What is that?! This thing, reality stardom, changes everything. Don’t worry Will, I’m not helping her get to you. The first rule of Fight Club is… Well the first rule of Reality Club is don’t unleash crazy on each other!
I’m dating now. It’s fun. One thing about being on TV is it definitely ups the hot quotient of the peeps that push up on you. It’s all porn stars and strippers. Music execs and rappers on the DL. And boys with bling. Alas as J-Lo once said, My Love Don’t Cost A Thing. But as Marcellas always says, “My time does.” Every time I meet someone now, I think are they interested in me or the guy that wore the robe on that show? How do you meet anyone now? Is it an automatic red flag if I was “seen” on TV by someone who wants to see me?
So here’s a few observations from viewed to viewer:
If you made a tribute video to Will and Janelle’s love on BB AS you have a problem.
If you spent $1,000 on a hat that someone wore on AS you have a problem. Donate that money to charity! Or buy my Yes, Dear/Big Brother episode duffle bag.
If you are part of a forum that hates someone you never met other than say…Osama Bin Laden, you have a problem. Put down the Twinkies. Sweep away the empty pizza boxes. Stop creating bots to make sure Janelle wins whatever she’s nominated for. Step away from the computer and get help. Janatics Anonymous. The next meeting is right after Will Addicts Unite, just before Irrational Response Help Group II, at the local Civic Center.
And if this post causes you any anguish and you have to go around and re-post it while bashing the messenger? If it does that then, as my girl Danielle would say, “You need Jesus.”
Rant done.