Damn! Why Isn’t that me?

This just in…

In a segment I like to call “Damn! Why Isn’t That Me?”:

Ron Perelman (think Revlon) is divorcing Ellen Barkin (think “Sea of Love” and that really bad movie w/her and Laurence Fishburne, in a completely unrelated stream of thought, isn’t every movie w/Laurence Fishburne bad?). Yep, Mr Perelman, he of the bad advertising campaigns which feature actresses instead of models, is dropping his personal actress like a hot potato. But here’s the thing, he served papers on a stunned Ellen, whose prenup states she’ll get 20 million for anything up to 5 years but more if she hangs on longer. That marriage was like the ultimate, glam reality show. A married Survivor or a really luxe Big Brother. Excuse me but where do I sign up?! See related article.

Mr Perelman has been married before. A lot actually. Ellen was #4. And Ron doesn’t leave you high and dry either; 1st wife: $8 million, second wife: $80 million (all together now, “Damn! Why Isn’t That Me?”), 3rd wife: $30 million. Ron is like, “You ain’t gotta stay and here’s a little something for leaving.” That’s what I like, a nice parting gift! Thanks for playing, here ya go.

My advice: Ellen take the money and run. You didn’t make this kinda cake off “Someone Like You” or even “Sea of Love”. But you was hot in that movie with Dennis Quaid. Back in the day. Not that you aren’t hot now but…Well, you know what I mean.

4 thoughts on “Damn! Why Isn’t that me?

  1. Gimme A Dollar

    Larry was good in Matrix and Apocolypse Now. He’s a good actor but his script choosage(i made that up) leaves much to be desired.

    P.S. Thanks for the holiday wishes email. I forgot you were even on the planet. =(

    All the best, Gimme A. Dollar(AKA Kaysar4Prez)

  2. GayLo

    Is it just me, or did everyone think that when Ellen first got married that she had eloped with that guy from the 80s Linda Hamilton hit, BEAUTY AND THE BEAST?

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